Coming out of a heat wave and an existential wave at the same time.

Makes for some random shit, but hey - I wrote SOMETHING!

It is Tuesday morning and I am currently trying to remember what -35 degrees Celsius feels like. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t LOVE -35 degrees, but you know what? I also don’t love PLUS 35 degrees, and that is what the temperatures have been for over a week now in Edmonton.

When it is this hot, I can’t focus. I don’t want to eat, and want to cook over a hot oven or stove even less. I basically don’t want to move, because if I do, I start sweating and sweating triggers my hot flushes and then I am even more hot and sweaty and dizzy too. What I really want to do on these super hot days is lay down under my ceiling fan in my underwear, sprite myself with peppermint water, and nap. And if you are wondering if I have I done this a few times already this week - the answer is yes, yes I have.

I know it’s been a while since I’ve sent a Substack, but there were reasons - some were personal/familial, some were professional, some were existential. ALL of them made it very hard to sit down, gather and organize my thoughts, and write. I will probably write about the existential reasons at some point, but first I need to get myself back into the chair at my therapist’s office to help unravel some things. Writing as a whole has been extra challenging, and not just here. I have been in the biggest writer’s block of my life, and haven’t written ANYTHING longer than a To-Do list since May! (Good lord, I hope no potential editors are reading this!)

I would like to tell you that I have been reading all this time, gathering seeds for the next crop of ideas and stories to grow from my mind, but that too isn’t totally true. While I did manage to read 2.5 of the three books for my monthly book club, and started a very long “Want to Read” list on my Goodreads account, that’s about the extent of my reading as well. Every day I stare with such good intentions at the books I keep buying and adding to the To Be Read section of my bookshelf, and then turn away to go watch something mind-numbing on Netflix or Prime.

***

It is now Thursday and the weather took a cooling turn and it is a mild 22° and overcast. I feel like I can actually breathe and move today (the breathing part is a bit iffy with the air quality still quite bad.) It’s finally not a sauna in my office and so I am in here, writing this newsletter, and forcing myself to work on some story ideas. And I did make a list of those, so that’s good.

Here are a few things that I HAVE been doing and some things that I currently love:

WHAT I AM READING:

I just finished Greenwood by Michael Christie. It’s a sweeping family epic (500 pages) and I am still trying to figure out if I loved it because it’s mostly set in Canada and I could really put myself in some of the places in the story, or if I was a more MEH about it because what I really needed was a Family Tree page to keep all the characters and jumping timelines straight in my head. So… maybe 3.5/5 stars.

I am also reading RAGE Becomes Her by Soraya Chemaly and if that isn’t the most apropos book to be reading in these weird-ass, pre-Gilead-ish political times, I don’t know what is!! (Also - are you fucking mad enough yet to get involved and make shit happen around you? And if that’s a no, WHY THE EFF NOT?)

WHAT I AM WATCHING:

As if in some kind of prescient state of mind, I just finished the last season of VEEP. I know the show is political satire, but given the state of US politics right now, IS IT REALLY? Why do I feel like parts of this {absolutely brilliant} show are very much the reality of many a campaign office right now! Anywho… If you haven’t already watched it, start now so you know how unhinged things are about to get for our neighbours to the south.

I took Seventeen to go see Inside Out 2 last weekend and both of us were kinda MEH about it. I really wish it had been more than just the Anxiety show (although that very well crafted panic attack scene almost triggered one in me!). I wanted the other new emotions to be a bit more flushed out - like, what the heck was Envy even doing there? AND, I was also incredibly annoyed by the last scene with the grown-up minds and how once again the Dumb Dad/Dude trope was trotted out - with him (and his emotions) only caring about “getting back to the game”. What a complete missed opportunity for the writers/producers to reach so many young boys in the audience with the message that, oh I don’t know, BOYS/MEN HAVE THE FULL SPECTRUM OF EMOTIONS TOO!

WHAT I AM WEARING:

An actual BRA. Yes, with underwire and everything. I visited my dear friend Tanis at My Filosophy here in Edmonton and got myself a new bra. And while technically it’s a sports bra, I have mostly been wearing it as an everyday bra because it keeps EVERYTHING tucked and tight AND has some nice extra features like an adjustable T-back option, and a SWEAT absorbing inner band for these blisteringly hot days where I am fighting rivers of sweat running down my body!

I have also decided to embrace my Dutch heritage and am wearing WOODEN shoes! Ok, technically these are Swedish shoes, but I am now in possession of two pairs of Swedish Hasbeens sandals. Both I purchased second hand, both are in almost brand new condition, and I LOVE THEM! I mean just look at how cute these are:

WHAT I AM LISTENING TO:

I don’t know if I have mentioned it before (ie: I know I totally have), but I really do love listening to Ezra Klein’s podcast. I have learned so much about American politics and how primaries and conventions work, the Pros and Cons of AI, ALL views about the conflict and apartheid in Palestine/Israel, and so much more. He is a brilliant interviewer and never shies away from respectfully challenging or pushing back with his guests. I fully admit that half of my Goodreads “Want to Read” list is courtesy of his guests and “always his final question - what three books would you recommend to our listeners?” The one episode that really got me thinking this year was THIS ONE.

OK, I didn’t put this under what I am watching, but I did recently binge an utterly ridiculous, just BARELY historically accurate new show on Prime called My Lady Jane. And while the show itself is entertaining and swashbuckling and sexy, and also (no spoilers) has a twist you will not expect, THE SOUNDTRACK IS BUSSIN’! (I checked with the Gen Z’s and yes, that is the correct term. Even though they said - “MOOOOOooom, never say that again!”) It’s giving 1990s-angry-girl-grunge-band vibes and I am here for all of it! Go. Download it. Listen to IT NOW!

***

It is now almost 1 AM and I am going to bed with a heavy, heavy heart as I see photos of my beloved mountain town of Jasper, Alberta burn to the ground and read updates about the fires engulfing the area. Those mountains and valleys and lakes are my churches and my gods and I am not sure who to pray too while I watch them being incinerated.

I am really scared for our future on this planet and it is hitting me extra hard tonight as devastation looms so close to my home and my heart. My thoughts are with the townspeople and evacuees who are losing everything, the firefighters and first responders working hard to save people and places and all they can, and all the wildlife in the area. :(

Goodnight my friends. Creator/Universe/Gods, please send rain!

xoxo,
N~